Phallic Friday – Monumental

 I know just how he feels. I’m pretty excited about Washington these days myself. Guess we all are. The night of the election, walking around Southeast Portland, I saw no fewer than three groups of twenty-somethings celebrating in the street in front of hipster bars while waving American flags. That is quite possibly the very first (and maybe the very last) display of un-ironic patriotism I have ever seen in this town.

At the corner of Hawthorne & 37th, in front of the Bagdad Theater, there were hundreds of people, yelling, whooping, and crossing back and forth in the crosswalk. They’d wait for the light to change, then all rush out into the street from both sides, jumping up and giving each other high-fives as they went. Seriously, hundreds of people. I told my co-workers about it later, and several of them said, “I was there!”

If you’re excited too and want to see more phallic, gun-totin’, flag-wavin’, God-bless-America, US fuckin’ MC pride, I got that shot and the ones below from here.

Phallic Friday – Beer Cans

Cans and bottles are phallic enough on their own that direct size comparisons are often made with the real thing. So it makes it all the more interesting when a guy is driven by some subconscious instinct to rest his drink in a certain spot, a place where his hand has been many a time, and in just that position. Intentionally or not, he’s telling you exactly whats on his mind.

You doubt me? A simple Flickr search for beer and phallic (or bottle and phallic) turns up plenty of additional proof, like this “well placed bottle,” or this self-gratifyer, or this porn addict, or this Canadian exibitionist. The list could go on and on. We humans just have dick on the brain. (…and by we, yes, I mean me.)

Naturally, advertisers are well aware of this not-so-subconscious association. This ham-fisted ad, for example, shoves the sex right in your face.

On the other hand, this seemingly wholesome come-on from the Fifties is all about subtle suggestion. But, still, there’s no question what he’s after. I mean, he is trying to stick something in her mouth, and I swear her hand seems to be guiding it in. She must really like his bottle. Bet he’s got a nice one.

Phallic Friday (LOC)

Not that long ago, I discovered that the Library of Congress has a Flickr photostream. No shit. The Library of Congress has started posting its vast collection of historic, public domain photos on Flickr, God bless ‘em!

 Ted Easterly, Cleveland, Alabama

They haven’t gotten very far, and the subjects are all over the map. But still, it’s already an Americana extravaganza. Suffragettes, Presidential processions, bareknuckle boxers, and all sorts of other sports figures, including the rather, ahem, cocky baseball player above who’s obviously very confident with his big bat.

I’ve also run across other people who have started collecting LOC photos on their own flickr pages, like this guy who has assembled hundreds of bike-related images, such as the ones below. (Bikes are phallic. Right?)

And I couldn’t resist this photo in particular. It’s a boy standing next to his bike and smoking a pipe. I wish I could muster half the dash and effortless savoir faire as that kid. Some people have just got it.

Phallic Friday

Hmmm, which one has a bigger snowboard? The one on the left looks longer, but the one on the right seems wider. Wonder how that affects the handling.

The real question is how this photo op ever happened. Who said, “Let’s stop the car and….”

Phallic Friday

Out of sheer gayness (and maybe a little boredom), I’m going to start doing another long-contemplated alliterative weekly feature. I have a feeling this one won’t last as long as the smiles and pretty faces. Although I may never get tired of seeing the real thing, how many beer cans, guns, and bananas can a person look at? But hey, let’s give it a shot….

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you — voilà! — Phallic Friday.

 Jonathan Rhys Meyers holding a long baguette

Well, that’s half my phallic photo collection right there. This is going to get a lot harder than I thought. Buh-dum-pum-tsh!

The Blueback

One thing I like about my friend Brian is that he actually does stuff. He got me to bike out to the gorge this fall and scored us tickets to the Davis Cup finals recently, and a few days ago, he booked us on a submarine tour. That is, there’s a decommissioned sub docked near downtown, and I pass it all the time riding my bike. I’ve been wanting to take a tour for years but never did. Then Brian suggested it, and just days later it was reality.

 USS Blueback at left, Markham Bridge at right. See BIGGER.

Not much to report, but it was quite interesting. There was a diorama onboard comparing international submarine sizes. (Hmmm, looks like Russia is compensating for something.) Subs are pretty phallic, of course, and they are full of seamen. We had a really hard time not making jokes.

 Buttons, dials & knobs everywhere

 The bridge. Lovely panelling, no?

 View through the periscope

 Submarine guts

 Portland skyline & Markham Bridge from the Esplanade at OMSI

Perhaps one thing does warrant special mention: The weather was dry, clear & beautiful — in late December.