Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

I do believe the title of this blog says it all: Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians.

Matthew McConaughey, Paul McCartney, Bruce Jenner, Jack White, Stephen King — you’d be surprised who makes the list and how much they deserve to be on it. All men (and for that matter, all old lesbians) should study this site and learn to recognize the warning signs. You may be okay with the fact that your testosterone level is now typical of the opposite gender, but do you really want to advertise it?

Exactitudes

Think you’re special?

Then maybe you should check out Exactitudes, a website about a book about a portrait series by two Dutch photographers who “provide an almost scientific, anthropological record of people’s attempts to distinguish themselves from others by assuming a group identity.” It’s compelling.

Even though they’re actually from Rotterdam, I found a lot of typical Portlanders — “Ecopunks,” “Dreads,” and “Emos.” Those looks are international, apparently.

I also found my father, my mother, and my sister. One type I couldn’t find, though, was my own. Seems like I really am incredibly unique. But honestly now, wasn’t that a foregone conclusion?

This

It was an unbelievable 78 degrees yesterday, and my two new roomies and I went down to the river for a ride.

 Kansas vs South Carolina. Joel & Will on the Esplanade.

You can tell a lot from their pictures. Joel, left, is a folk singer from Kansas. He loves this girl’s bike and wears oversized eye glasses and snug check shirts. He couldn’t be more Midwest… or more Portland.

Will, right, is a recent college grad from South Carolina with a vintage hand-made road bike in mint condition. Everything he is wearing, with the possible exception of his bandana, was chosen for its label. Seriously.

Joel peeled off early to go to a show; musicians have to network constantly. Will and I continued along the river, heads spinning around at all the cute guys out in the sun. Since it was all new to Will, we stopped whenever he wanted to look at the view, and he marvelled frequently at how amazing the path system is and at Portland for building it. “I hate to say, ‘wow, Oregon’ but….”

 Teen fixie rats nest their bikes and play along the Springwater Corridor

As we sat on a bluff with a view of the city, late afternoon sun blazing in our eyes, soft warm air drying our sweat, I said, “This is why people stay here. Just think, three days ago, everybody in town was thinking about moving, but now… this.”

Cheeseball Recipe

Grow a mustache.

One of the de rigeur elements of the beard removal process is to shave your facial hair into styles that you’d normally never wear, just to see how it would look. I happen to have a naturally bushy Walrus ’stache. Very 70’s, huh? And was that not the cheesiest decade in all of human history?

This post could also be titled “A Surefire Cure for the Blues” or perhaps “Natural Prozac.” Just try not to laugh while posing with a giant fucking Pancho Villa mustache on your lip.

I think this would lend itself well to a themed party — a Valentine’s Mustache Party maybe? A Spring Break Mustache Party? A Fuck a Statutory Rapist Party? The jokes would be endless. The sex would be… hmmm.

How to Lose Ten Pounds and Feel Ten Years Younger in Ten Minutes Without Dieting or Exercise

Shave.

However, I think these days there’s less of a difference than there used to be. Plus, I kind of like the beard look better now; it makes me feel like a Civil War General.

Happy Monday – Bathing Suits of the World

Every Monday I post photos of guys smiling. Since summer is winding down, I’m gonna post all the remaining shirtless guys I’ve collected. Really, that’s why. This week, they’re from all over the world.

 Regular ol’ American dudes. Wait, do I see knee? Oh, no, of course not.

 Israeli Defense Force personel, 1970s. Love the uniform back then.

 Brazilian guys (front) wearing the national beach costume, the sunga.

By sheer coincedence, I’m off to the beach later today. This being Oregon, I’ll probably have a sweater on over my speedo.